countdown

3 wonderful souls have taken the opportunity of not allowing me to go to bed in order to count down to 2014 with them. So in order to kill time, here's a playlist for your countdown to the new year.

1. Charlie Lim - Pedestal

2. Yellowcard - Hang You Up

3. Elenowen - Save Me

4. The Narrative - Fade

5. Snow Patrol - Run

6. A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

7. The Honey Trees - Orchard

Enjoy!

2013

As of now, it is 1. 45 in the morning of the last day of 2013.

The last day of 2013. Wow. Time sure does fly.

And what a year it has been. Phew.

So this is me, recollecting memories. Do bear with me.

~

Early this year, this blog was birthed. It was meant to be a place to pen down my thoughts, my frustrations, and my jiwang-ness. Not much has changed, though I have to say I haven't been writing with much honesty. More on that some other time.

"SPM year wei." "Gee thanks, didn't know."

Ahhh spm. Marks the last year of high school (unless you decide to do stpm of course). Didn't feel the stress till very late. A little too late maybe. Anyway, I think I could say I've done my best. We'll just wait for next year.

That said, my last year of high school was fun. In class it was all about laughing like retards, to debating about The Prestige (if you haven't watched it yet, I suggest you do, right now), to talking football. Of course, we learnt stuff, occasionally. If it wasn't for the guys, I would've probably died of boredom.

Oh and what would schooling life be without cf? It was great just to praise God in that small room. The scene of one acoustic guitar being drowned out by so many voices. Beautiful.

~

Throughout this whole year, I've been thinking about my future. Asking myself question after question. What do I want to be in the future? What's my passion? Are my dreams logical? Reachable? Do I follow my head, or my heart? Whose advice do I listen to? Heck, do I need to listen to anyone's advice? I've got the answers to some of my many questions, but not all.

Personally, this year has been quite a roller-coaster, spiritually. I've done things I'm not proud of, I've said stuff that hurt people. And I regret it. But time and time again, grace was there, with arms stretched wide. I remember listening to By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North one night, and just breaking down in tears.

Some things are too private too be shared here, but maybe someday I will.

I'm 17, so it should go without saying that I did (or still do, maybe. idk.) have a crush on a certain someone. Hey, I'm a teenager too. I'm entitled to it!

Anyway, I've been trying to get her number. But I don't seem to have the balls to do so. It's New Year's Eve today, maybe I'll get lucky tonight. *fingers crossed* 

~

There's much more to be said, I'm sure. But my exhausted brain is shutting itself down.

It's 3. 20 right now. As I said, time flies.

And so again I say, what a year it has been. Phew.

Good riddance. Roll on 2014!

EDIT: Found this just now, and thought I'd share it.

Whether or not our year was, in our eyes, a year of victories or a year with testing times, I think it is important first and foremost to thank God for bringing us right through to this moment. To shake off our limitations of what has been and striving for what is ahead is something that long has been emphasised in the word of God.

~

The Narrative - Winter's Coming

life lines

Our friendship could be likened to perpendicular lines.

For only one brief moment, do we cross paths. And in that short time, memories are forged. Memories of laughing to the point of tears; of screaming our lungs out to the lyrics of songs.

Then, we move on. But not as if nothing happened. No.

We will always have the memories. We will always remember that at one point in life, our lives coincided. Let's call that our intersection point.

And as stated, we move on. We might meet again. Maybe not.

Ah well. Better to have met than not at all.

Better perpendicular than parallel I suppose.

~

The Narrative - Waiting Room

villa del refugio

Quote of the day!

"The enemy's best weapon against Christians... is other Christians."

Hmm.. Food for thought.

I think the key is to forgive constantly. We're all human. We make mistakes etc.
I myself am still learning how to be more understanding, patient, and forgiving.

Much to learn.

Godspeed!

~

Phil Wickham - Carry My Soul

after goodbye

The year is nearly over. Our next adventure beckons.

And I can't help but wonder, as we journey down different paths. Will you miss me?

Have I done enough to earn my own pedestal in your heart?

Or will I be just another familiar face?

Will you miss me? Cause I will miss you. Greatly.

Heck, I miss you already.

~

Jimmy Eat World - 23

have heart, my dear

I can spend the next few days reminiscing about us. 

Trudging down memory lane day after day.

I can waste the day imagining how things would have been like, 

had I gathered enough courage..

The what ifs, the what could've beens.


~

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do.

move along

I received a card from a friend from school today. I just realized how much I appreciate written word. To me, letters carry a special touch. Especially at a time like this, where social networks reign supreme, letters or cards carry something meaningful. Hand-written letters show more emotion, in my opinion. And I love it.

School is over. And the words in this letter takes me back. Back to how the bridges were built; back to the laughter; back to the memories of us five in cf. It's hard to believe school's over. It's hard to believe that I won't be seeing the faces of the people I cherish anymore. I am truly blessed to have known these guys and girls.

I left early today. I would have stayed. I would have hugged every one of them. But I couldn't stand saying goodbye. It's always easier to say goodbye on Facebook (pathetic, I know).

*sighhhh*

Clearly, I can be quite sentimental. How whiny of me. lol.
It's time to move on. But it's easier said than done isn't it?




To the cf gang.

If any of you see this, I'm gonna miss all of you dearly. I don't know if we will cross paths ever again now that we're all grown up, stepping into our next phase of life. But one thing I can be sure of is that God is watching over all of us. :) Thanks for the memories, and Glory Glory Man United!

passing through

It's been long. Gonna get back to studying soon so this'll be a short one.
Skipped school again today. Recently, they gave us SPM-ers a "motivational speech". What did they say? "Get A's so we can beat the school next door. Get A's for the school. For our status as 'Sekolah Kluster Kecemerlangan'. "

Cemerlang my arse. The teachers don't even know how to teach. They should be thankful for tuition centres.

Anyway, I can't wait for this stupid exam to be over. Still don't know what course to take (helpme), but at least NS will give me some time to think about it.

*sighhh*

still learning

The beauty, that is Switchfoot, ladies and gents.



Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

~

Fail again, fail better.

Lawak #1

My dad sent me this.

Joke of the day....
An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks." 
A British doctor says: "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks."
A Canadian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks."
A Malaysian doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind...... We just took a man with NO brain, made him Prime Minister, and now the whole country is looking for work.

Hah. Sorry. I couldn't resist.

Malaysia Day.

Almighty God,we dedicate our beloved land, Malaysia, to You. Malaysia is Yours! You have blessed us with a diversity of people, appointing each one their place and time in this land. Make our spirits rise above the circumstances to engage and reach out with Your love, mercy and grace. Give us Your eyes to see each fellow citizen as Your beloved child. We dedicate ourselves to You that we may be Your vessels of blessing and transformation for Malaysia. Lord God, manifest Your Jubilee in Malaysia!

Let Your Kingdom come.

~

meaningless

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

What do people gain from all their labors
    at which they toil under the sun?

All things are wearisome,
    more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
    nor the ear its fill of hearing.

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
    the more knowledge, the more grief.


-Ecclesiastes 1

~

Cause my mind is like a building burning down

I need Your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground

And my heart is just a prisoner of war

A slave to what it wants, and to what I'm fighting for

My hands are holding you.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let Me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell Me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at My side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

~

Let Me lift up your face, just don't turn away.

*sob*

never take friendship personal

Short post alert! In the mid of SPM trials now, so this is my escape haha.




I miss jamming with the guys. Sighh..

~

Once a skeptic, now the critic.

Look around for the closest to blame.

a lament and call to repentance

One day, one of the guys in the P&W forum I joined popped this question up. What is your favorite verse in the Bible in terms of worship? One that was mentioned a lot was Amos 5:21-24.


21 “I hate, I despise your religious festivals;
    your assemblies are a stench to me.
22 Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
    I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
    I will have no regard for them.
23 Away with the noise of your songs!
    I will not listen to the music of your harps.
24 But let justice roll on like a river,
    righteousness like a never-failing stream!


Wow. Like a big, fat, slap.

Really straightforward isn't it? We can be the best musician, singer or whatever it is in the whole universe. But if our heart is not right, if our eyes are not set on God, if we are caught in sin, He will not listen to us. Our assemblies are a stench to Him. Ouch!

So, check yo self before you wreck yo self.

~

EPL RETURNS.

Finally, after what seems like a decade, the English Premier League returns to action today! Looking forward to seeing how Moyes will do in his first season. Though in all honesty, I foresee the noisy neighbors picking up the title.

First competitive match, first silverware. Too easy.

This coming season looks to be one of the most interesting ones yet. The battle for Top 4 will be intense. With Suarez staying, Liverpool have a slim chance. And if Bale stays too, I'm confident that Arsenal could get pipped to 4th by Tottenham. My Top 4 predictions are City, Chelsea, United, and Tottenham, in that order.

Alas, it looks like a painful year ahead for Newcastle. May be dragged into a relegation battle, again. But I'm pretty sure they'll survive, by the skin of their teeth. I predict all 3 promoted teams to be relegated.

First manager to be sacked? Mark Hughes. After a disaster at QPR, you'd think who in their right mind would hire him.

Here's to a great season! Glory glory Man United!

~

i dare you to move

http://zenpencils.com/comic/98-alan-watts-what-if-money-was-no-object

What would you like to do if money were no object?
You do that.

~

stay and wait

Hai guys. This is an update on my life. Everybody loves life stories, right? Hah.

So, I've had this certain feeling for a few months now. I felt like I wasn't meant to be in a certain place. To cut the story short, I wanted to move to another church. I felt like I was doing nothing to benefit myself, or anyone in the church. I actually thought God was calling me to move. *facepalm*

Then, Pastor Larry Kreider shared this on the following Sunday.
- Stay where you are, and sow seeds there. That is where the blessings will be.
- Serve, pray, worship and do everything with passion!

So here I will stay, and here I will sow! This is what Satan does. If he considers you a threat, he will do his very best to discourage you and break your spirit. And so..


Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

To further encourage you:

~

Who loved me through my rebel way
Who chose to carry all my shame
Who breaths in me with endless life
The king of glory Jesus Christ

love is here

Could've been a better day. Felt so down. Then this song came up.



Love is here. 
Love is now. 
Love is pouring from His hands, from His brow. 
Love is near, it satisfies. 
Streams of mercy flowing from His side. 


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

~

spend it all

I open up my eyes, oh Lord

To see all the things you've done

I open up my heart, oh God 

To feel your unfailing love

And I open up my all to you

All my life for your glory to show

And I open up my soul to you alone

Come make yourself at home

And I'll give all that I have to give

'Cause it's everything I am, Lord

In this life I'll spend it all for you

I'll waste it all on you

I offer up my mind to you

I long for the truth, you know

I offer up my feet to you

They'll walk straight on the path you show

I offer up my time to you

So keep me and hold me still

And I offer up my hands to you

Lord, use them to do your will

And I'll give all I have left to give

'Cause it's everything I am, Lord

In this life I'll spend it all for you

Yeah, I'll waste it all on you

I'll waste it all

Let your Spirit take me over, God

'Cause it's all I ever need

Yeah, you're all I ever need, Lord

And receive this life in offering, God

'Cause I spend it all for you

Yes, I spend it all for you, Lord

Ooh, I spend it all on you

~

Powerful stuff. The lyrics and the music. Dang. These guys are so blessed.

To be able to reach out to others through good music, is just...wow. Amazing.
By the way, their music is available for download for free on their website. 

Have a blessed day ahead!

heart of worship

Some guy posted this question in a P&W forum.

Hi guys,
Do you have requirements on who joins the worship team?
Do they have to be members of the church first to be able to join?

The first reply was this: 

Must be able to scissor kick a ninja blindfolded.

I lol-ed at this. Funny fella.

And then:

 If they can't worship without a stage, they don't deserve to lead others from one.

BAM. Right there. A heart of worship. It's when we don't care about what's around us. When we feel free to jump around, to shout, and to fall to our knees.

On another note: Ascend the Hill is dope. Seriously.

~

time waits for no man

It's July already. Can't believe how fast time flies. Soon it'll be the end of my high school life. And I still don't know what I want to study... Sighhh...
But I guess it's good to know I'm not alone. Hah.

So, now that I realized that soon I'll be graduating, I start to wonder whether I have done enough in school.

I'm not athletic, I'm not a genius. I don't think my school will remember me at all haha. Heck, I hardly even come for koko. #malas #apanakbuat
Hopefully some of the teachers will remember me. Heh.

I guess it's safe to say, I'm not ready, and will never be ready, for school to end. I still want to be the boy at the back making jokes with his joker friends (and sometimes with the teachers). I still want to talk nonsense and football with my friends.

Okay. August coming. Study.. Err...
I'll see you around.




Fun fact of the day: Lincoln Brewster is 41 years old. Still a rockstar!

~

On your feet now—applaud God!
    Bring a gift of laughter,
    sing yourselves into His presence.

Psalms 100:1-2 (MSG)

anguish

Pastor Anand shared this video in Rally.



I see more of the world coming into the church, and impacting the church. Rather than the church impacting the world.

We've held onto our religious rhetoric and our revival talk. But we've become so passive.

All true passion for Christ comes out of a baptism of anguish.

~

the love of Jesus

God's love.

I always overlooked His love. I took it for granted.

Only now has it hit me, how great is His love for me.

I want you to read this in my point of view. You are brokenhearted. Sad, lost. You feel like you have let everyone down. 

"Remember, that God will always love you. Even if you were the only person on Earth, Jesus would still die for you."

Wow.

God's love is unconditional, never ending. His love never fails. It heals the broken, and fulfills the hungry.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. - 1 John 4:10

I'm extremely grateful for His love in my life.

~

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me 

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

refreshed

I hate that feeling where you wait and wait, but end up receiving nothing.

Today in church, there was an altar call. I think half the church were at the altar. It was packed. I was one of  the few late ones that went up. And so I was there at the side, waiting. Waiting for God to touch me. Waiting for something, anything.

I stood there for a long time. Then, finally, the pastor laid her hands on me. She spoke in tongues. And moved on. I'm like "What? That's it?!"

I was confused, and mad, to be honest.

Later that evening, I realized. What was I actually expecting?

What are you expecting? For God to shake the world and bring change? He could, but then that would defeat our purpose here.

"The problem with people these days, is that they expect change to happen in big events. But no! It all starts in our private time with God."

I'm slowly rediscovering the beauty of God.

~

Where your glory is I wanna be
Where your beauty is I wanna see
Where your scars are born I'll lay a kiss
'Cause it's your presence, Lord, that I miss

who we are is not enough

"What makes a Church "Spirit Filled," is the actions of the people in it, not the name on it, or the doctrine it says it believes. There is a difference between being spirited, and spiritual. Lets walk out what we say we believe." - Pastor Sergio

Actions.

Are we, as the Church, doing enough? We are called to go forth, and make disciples of all nations. To be salt and light to all the earth. To reach out to the lost, to love the broken.

But have we been doing so?

Yes we have. But only to a certain extent.
We are willing to move in our comfort zones. And that's it.

We're supposed to be bold and daring.
Jesus did things that weren't acceptable to the 'leaders' then. He was branded scandalous. For being morally 'wrong'.

This is the end times. We, as the Church, will be condemned. Scratch that, we should be condemned.

Anyone who wants to live all out for Christ is in for a lot of trouble; there's no getting around it.
-2 Timothy 3:12 (Message Bible)

But now, we are conforming to the ways of the world. We bend rules because we want to reach out others. No doubt, we must have the hunger for souls. But we cannot defy God's commandments.

Found this quote about the Church:
They are only social clubs and everything is all about comfort. Bring us in and make us feel good about our selves but don't you DARE address my pet sin and make me feel guilty!

We need to act. Act upon our own personal struggles. Leaders need to stop sitting on their bums and start doing something. I need to stop sitting on my bum..

Change starts from within.

~

We must go, live to feed the hungryStand beside the broken, we must goStepping forward, keep us from just singingMove us into action, we must go

Tim Hughes - God of Justice

Ezekiel 34

2 ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? 3 You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock.4 You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. 5 So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. 6 My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.

7 “‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: 8 As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, 9 therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: 10 This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.

Stumbled upon this today. Long verse, but well worth a read.

Shows how important leaders are to the young.

One of my leaders said that the Youth isn't meant to be always handled by the leaders. She said that some of the older youths should take charge.
But are we even ready? Hmm...

~

I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain

Switchfoot - The Stars

my heart is heavy

I'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn 
Yeah I'm worn

~

The struggle continues.

open up your heart

I keep coming back to this song. So nais..
Jeffrey Kunde is awesome. That tone, that Gretsch, that pedalboard. Mmm...

priorities

"Satan is the enemy. Not the other church down the road. Focus."

Found this quote somewhere in Twitter. And how true it is. I don't know about you, but I feel like there's a sense of competition between churches. And not in a good way.

It's pathetic how we react when we find out that one of our church-mates moved to another church. It's like once they leave, they become our enemies. Come on guys. How are we to love the unloved, when we can't even love each other as brothers and sisters in Christ?

Recently, someone said this.
"It doesn't matter what church they go to, as long as they're worshipping Jesus."

I agree. We need to change our mindset. It's not about popularity. It's about souls.
Most importantly, it's all about Jesus.

~

i may be weak, 
but Your Spirit's strong in me

my flesh may fail, 

but my God You never will.