happy new year, from australia, in 5 hours time

Almost every other day, I travel down this road. The same road as it was growing up; one or two potholes, that darn speed bump I always miss, and passing by the neighborhood park. But today was different.

As I drove past the park, something felt odd. There was an uncanny, almost haunting, emptiness to it. The weather was overcast — the perfect weather to be kicking ball or just messing around the field, in my opinion — but the park was empty. Quiet, except for the subtle howl of the wind. It was beautiful.

It wasn't always like this. There used to be kids dangling from the monkey bars. There used to be families taking strolls during the evening. There used to be boys playing football, and the rare group of girls watching from the swings. There used to be a small group of teenagers on skateboards, and a healthy amount of children on bicycles.

It used to be much noisier than this. The air used to be filled with whooping, laughing, and profanities in all four languages. Not that we were angry for the most part.

To think that once upon a time this place was echoing with joy and laughter.. It reminds me how times have changed, and how the people, who were once whooping, laughing, and cursing, too have changed.

It probably means that I, too, must have changed.

~

nothing is a good thing

There was nothing to do.

So I jumped through a plate-glass window while we were playing follow-the-leader because I thought, “No one will ever follow me through this.” I got twelve stitches across my head.

There was nothing to do.

So we built a bike track in the valley, defined it with stones, and we crashed through the dirt all summer long, long before the rangers would stop and ask us if we’d been attacked.

There was nothing to do.

So I jumped on the roof of the car and held on and we drove real fast until I fell off (and I told mom and dad that I fell of a skateboard). I am still so proud of these scars.

There was nothing to do.

So we built traps by putting newspaper over holes in the backyard, covering them in dirt, and tried to lure people into walking over them. No one ever got hurt.

There was nothing to do.

So I built chlorine bombs in the backyard and nearly killed us all so many times. If you tried to do the same, you’d wind up on a watch list.

There was nothing to do.

So we kissed girls outside the church every Sunday when the pastor wasn’t looking.

There was nothing to do.

I jumped into bed and missed. Five more stitches.

There was nothing to do.

I fell out of a tree and branch caught my arm on the way down. Eighteen stitches.

There was nothing to do.

I slid down a telephone pole and a nail tore open my leg. Eight more stitches.

There was nothing to do.

My foot slipped between the bed and the cupboard where dad kept his razor blades. Twenty-five more stitches.

There was nothing to do.

And I would kill for nothing to do, and the energy and the ignorance, to do it. Regardless of the stitches.

Here at last, we shall be free

~

Just to clarify, I did not write this.

the war inside

These voices speak instead and what's right is wrong

And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long

Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe

My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

~

absence

Someone once told me that it always rains somewhere pretty this time of year. I hope wherever you are at this time of year, the sky does something pretty for you.

i wrote this for you

still seeking

If you had permission to do what you really want to do, what would you do? 

Don't ask how; that will cut your desire off at the knees. How is never the right question; how is a faithless question. It means "unless I can see my way clearly I won't believe it, won't venture forth." When the angel told Zechariah that his ancient wife would bear him a son named John, Zechariah asked how and was struck dumb for it. 

How is God's department. He is asking you what. What is written in your heart?

— John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

א

I am not a foreigner, because I haven't been praying to return safely home. I haven't wasted my time imagining my house, my desk, my side of the bed. 

I am not a foreigner, because we are all travelling. We are all full of the same questions, the same tiredness, the same fears, the same selfishness, and the same generosity.

I am not a foreigner, because, when I asked, I received. When I knocked, the door opened. When I looked, I found.

— paulo coelho, aleph

done, but not quite dusted

It was a rainy Friday evening.

I had just returned from a movie, parked my car and all, when I noticed that my neighbor couldn't park his car in because there was something wrong with his auto gate. Feeling like a good samaritan, (oh how typical of me) I quickly ran over to open the gate so that he need not get down.

Deed done, so I scrambled off home for shelter. It was only when I was inside the house that I noticed that the gate closed itself (darn wind) and that he had already gotten out of the car armed with an umbrella. With much self-shame, I cursed myself and stumbled upon an epiphany.

Goodwill alone is not enough.

Perhaps this is a reminder from Him to see. things. through.

~

I'm feeling incredibly lousy right now. And I mean look-at-me-im-blogging-at-2-in-the-morning kinda lousy. Seeing you in confusion and at such a low point of your life, coupled with me being unable to offer any useful help or advice whatsoever...makes me feel like an utter disgrace of a friend.

I wish I could do more. I wish I could speak to you from a Christian (i hate that word more and more) viewpoint. I wish you would listen to me as a brother, because I really do care.

At the end of the day, of what use are titles and talents? Aren't relationships more important than these? Perhaps it truly is better to have been a friend to one in need, than to be a talented musician, or a great writer, or the best eye doctor in town. Maybe it's better to be known as the guy who actually 
gave a shit about so-and-so's life.

What a lousy friend I am.

terminus

"Merry is May-time!" said Bilbo, as the rain beat into his face. "But our back is to legends and we are coming home. I suppose this is the first taste of it."

"There is a long road yet," said Gandalf.

"But it is the last road," said Bilbo.

~

faith

'Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”'

~

we are cathedrals

http://www.tenthavenuenorth.com/blog/2014/10/21/do-you-party-like-a-cathedral

Too good not to share.

~

Christy Nockels, You Revive Me

departure

i am getting on a train.

trains possess a queer attraction for those entertaining the idea of escaping. from what, sometimes they don't even know. but the notion of leaving everything and everyone for an unknown destination is quite the thrill.

i don't know where i'm heading, but it really doesn't matter. all that matters is that i step on unfamiliar terrain, and that i journey alone.

and so i am getting on a train, alone and clueless.

~

explosions in the sky, your hand in mine

just a dream

today i slept and dreamt of you,

i saw your face and heard your tune,

everything was silent and we were still,

the sweetness of your presence, how unreal.

you pulled me aside, you had something to say,

and i was shy, but you went on anyway,

'i know all about the war in your head.

and all the pretty words that's been left unsaid'.

oh joy, such joy, that leapt in my heart,

that our chasm be gone, no distance apart,

but deep inside with an aching heart,

i awoke with sorrow, and am back at the start.

why O God, why reproach me,

have i not all this while fulfilled my duty,

dream after dream i take as a blessing,

but alas, despair comes in the morning.

~

fellowship

1 John 1:6-10 

6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

~

This blew my mind right out of my head. I used to think that walking in the light simply meant being righteous or living an upright or moral lifestyle, and I could not be any more wrong.

I especially love the way The Message bible puts it; that to walk in the light is to 'experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin'. It is crucial that we let others in to our lives and do not protect our image, but be honest about the facts of our lives.

I'm a filthy Christian. A modern-day Jesus would probably not want to do anything with me (or so I think), and to be honest, I've done a pretty good job of covering my tracks. But your sin will, I cannot emphasize this any more, will catch up with you. That's why it's sooo important to confess not only to Him, but also to someone you trust and can share your burden with. And it doesn't stop there, you share his/her burden too. But then again, don't expect people to automatically reach out to you. Cause if everyone in the Church did that, we won't be getting anywhere would we? Instead, you reach out. 

As the famous saying goes, no man is an island. We were made to fellowship. Heck we were initially made to fellowship with Him.

This youth is a family. Each and everyone of us are responsible for each other. If I were to try to get through my life and hardships on my own, I'm gonna fail so badly. When we realize how broken we truly are, that no man nor leader nor pastor is perfect, then can we bring all our little fragments and piece them together into something beautiful. We grow together. Granted we can't be spending 24/7 together (cause we'll get sick of each other inevitably), but we grow together.

Yo let me say this once more to get it in your head (and mine). WE GROW TOGETHER.

~

Tenth Avenue North, No Man is an Island

i am a monster

i have been, am, and always will be a work in progress. but i'm covered by love. a grace so crazy. a mercy that lasts forever. i don't understand Him, but therein is my problem. why do even try to? why can't i just calm down and rest in His embrace?

~

Are you ready to live your life?

Are you healed enough?

Can you stop? Can you stop,

And enjoy the ride?

1620

i don't want the light.

the curtains are shut, and the only light that's illuminating the room is the one from my laptop.

i don't want to feel the warmth of the sun. nor do i want the false sense of security that any other light source will bring. today i'd prefer to linger in the darkness.

i don't want your happiness, as infectious as you claim it to be. happy is just a word thrown around by posers to make their life easier. happy isn't precise; it isn't sad but neither is it true joy.

i don't want your friendly handshakes and warm smiles, as genuine as you make it to be.

i'm sorry, but today i don't want Your light.

~

athletics, II

opponere

Nobody said it'd be easy.

In fact, it should be anything but easy.

If things were easy, then something somewhere is wrong, because easy is a lie. 

If this was easy, then it probably means Lucifer doesn't think that I'm a threat to him.

I don't want that.

I want to intimidate him. I want him to be afraid of the light that dwells in me.

~

The Almost, Monster

rip the seams, tear it loose

. . . and once more drenched be we, the accursed.

~

A rainy night this perfect calls for a cup of tea, a little writing, and Switchfoot's Eastern Hymns for Western Shores on repeat.

In other news, I got myself a journal to write in. 

inspired by a halfling

Finished The Hobbit the past week. My my, what a mighty fine book this is! Probably spoiled the ending of the final movie for me, but I'm still looking forward to it heh. 

I wonder, and really do genuinely wonder, if I will someday be like Bilbo. A meagre, mediocre, normal guy, unexpectedly called to an adventure. Called to step out of his comfort zone of bacon and eggs every morning; called to desert normalcy. To have wet, hard rocks to sleep on in exchange for soft pillows and sheets. To have a dragon breathing fire down his neck, rather than smoking his good ol' pipe. To meet all kinds of people and creatures, instead of the same old neighbors.

And all that adventure, only to return home once again

You see, the thing about Bilbo that strikes me as a little peculiar (yet familiar. weird, I know.) is that he never asked for an adventure. He was well off and content in his little hobbit hole — happy, if you will. Nevertheless, an adventure came beckoning. Still, he had a choice.

Tolkien breaks it down pretty simply. Our dear hobbit possessed two sides to his character: his Baggins side, the one that prefers comfort and surety, and his Tookish side, the one that just thrives on adventure. And the funny thing is that throughout the book Bilbo is constantly at wars with himself. He was at times excited with what he was in the midst of doing yet at the same time he still longed for the comfort of his home.

Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under stars,
Yet feet that wandering have gone

Turn at last to home afar.

Eyes that fire and sword have seen

And horror in the halls of stone

Look at last on meadows green

And trees and hills they long have known.

Perhaps it can be said that each one of us like Bilbo, have our own Baggins and Tookish side. Perhaps one outweighs the other, or maybe they're finely balanced.

Perhaps I am just like Bilbo. Aching for an adventure yet still requiring to return home after said adventure.

Besides, adventures make for great storytelling. Like that time a couple of friends and I got stopped by a police roadblock in Langkawi. Anyone can talk about getting pulled over by a cop, but if one speaks from experience, the tiny little details prior to being pulled over is what makes it a gem.

In the words of Paulo Coelho: 

Is it possible to know something without ever having experienced it? 

Yes, but it will never truly be part of you.

Can't wait for my sem break!!

~

tell me a story

I just realized something new about myself. I enjoy stories. No, no, not stories of Prince Charming rescuing the damsel in distress; I'm talking about life stories. Stories that tell of choices, mistakes, salvation, redemption.

I met up with a friend for lunch last Saturday. Right after I was done eating, I asked him, 'So dude, what's your story?'. He was slightly taken aback haha, but I never actually knew his story, which he quickly realized. And so, he told me his story. From his upbringing and childhood up til now, he told me every raw detail of his journey.

I will not tell you his journey, after all his story should be his to tell, no? Nonetheless, it's such a blessing to know him, and his story. And more so to have such a loving Creator!

I wish I could do this often. I wish I could just sit down with anyone and say, 'Tell me your story.' Even better, I wish I could document the many stories of people. We are all walking storybooks are we not? As Paulo Coelho said, words are life set down on paper. Each of us have a chapter to be written, or perhaps a symphony to be performed. We are all unique; fearfully and wonderfully made; our stories enchanting.

One day, if it were just you, dear reader, and me, conversing over coffee (or tea or what have you), don't be surprised if I told you, 'So, tell me your story.'

~

Tenth Avenue North, No Man Is An Island

progress

Hey.

sighs. what is it..

Just checkin on my beloved. Had a rough week?

Don't You know it..

Do you remember what you shared last Saturday?

...what about it?

Do you recall telling the youths something like 'choose to worship Him (or in this case, Me) in your troubles and worries' ?

Yeah I do..

Well, good news. Now's your chance to practice what you preach.

~

Young and Free, Sinking Deep

inane

We toil and labor all the days of our lives to build towers. A monument of sorts of which we acquire refuge from. A symbol of strength, to some extent, our pride and glory.

Every brick that we've laid, a saturation of blood, sweat and tears. The blood of our forefathers, the sweat of our labors, and the tears of those who love us; of those we've severed all ties. The costs of our construction borne by others. Until the second before everything comes crashing down, do we actually see that the towers we've built have all turned to ash. We have turned to ash.

Our great edifice, all this while a sepulcher.

~

uh-may-zing

A little bit of a late post, but last Sunday's worship service was crazy! We didn't have the best of rehearsals, but wow, God turned up when Wes led, and when Jason preached and led the congregation in worship. I quote Jason: 'It was one of the shortest message I've ever preached, but it was the greatest I've seen God use me.' 

Jason preached a word that, if I might say so, was timely not only for myself but also the whole church. Only now do I realize what I've been doing wrong in my personal worship all this while! On that note, Acts 16:22-34 is a crazy portion of scripture.

One of the highlights: Jason asked everyone to stop playing and let the congregation sing. So we stopped, i took off my in-ears, and wow. I mean, WOW. It was crazy. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this, but it sounded like angels were with us worshipping. I've seen this done by so many bands, but I've never felt God move so mightily before. I tried to join in but I couldn't! God's presence was so strong I sobbed every time I tried to sing! I don't even know how to describe it man haha.

During the debrief sharing session, I shared how it was the best worship experience I ever had; better than planetshakers and Israel Houghton (not kidding)! I was on the brink of crying just mentioning it! I just realized this, but whoa how crazy was it, that God's presence was still in the room, after service was over and everyone had left?! 

Jason's so awesome. I look up to him so much, fanboy a bit too haha. What a man. So anointed, so wise, and so down-to-earth! Oh yeah did I mention that he's funny? I'm not sure if he's always like that, but when he hangs with his tsoa batchmates, the man turns into a joker, poking fun at each other haha. He's the kind of guy I'd love to be around whenever.

Maaaan I wish he'd hang around Malaysia for a little longer.

~

may we never lose our wonder; wide-eyed, mystified,
may we be just like a child, staring at the beauty of our King.

closed eyes, conscious mind

I woke up today to the soft drizzle of rain. The pitter patter on the roof tiles carried a consistent rhythm, while the clouds above impersonated a virtuoso.

It wasn't early in the morning, yet it wasn't late. It was about half past seven; I didn't need to check the clock, I knew it by the atmosphere. This particular time is always the best phase of mornings. It's when day greets night in a beautiful mess. When the cool drab of night is reintroduced to the glowing smile of day. To put it simply, it's like an evening in the morning.

Whirring fan, warm blankets, soft sheets..could it get any better than this?

Of course it could. With company. I mean, these kind of moments are meant to be shared, no? Life is meant to be shared.

But no. Not yet.

~

A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life purpose, 

and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, 

for only then does he have something to invite her into.

~

daphne loves derby, i wish you knew this song was about you

groping through the fog

Life is not a problem to be solved, it is an adventure to be lived. He rigged the world in such a way that it only works when we embrace risk as the theme of our lives, which is to say, 

only when we live by faith.

~

lacuna

Another day, but it's nothing but another sunrise to you. 

You want to live — to truly live — but your struggles are crippling. You claw your chest open, and tear your heart out. You hold it aloft; your heart, what was once your treasure. Faintly beating; alive yet dead. 

Embrace your demons with ferocity. Fight anger with fury. Rebel against the devil, take him by the horns. Bend. Break. Free.

Bone by bone. Break everything you once were, and begin again. Search, again. Chase, again. Discover, again. Then maybe, just maybe, you'll find yourself living again. 

~

scribblings on a dreamer's tombstone

I hope that someday you will remember me. Not as dead and gone, but as one who lived his dreams.

wild at heart

I've just finished reading John Eldredge's Wild at Heart for the second time. Finished it in 2 days heh kasi bangga sikit. But wow, I am astounded. The book touches on masculinity; masculinity in its truest sense. And this book, as a friend said, 'blew apart my perspective on godly masculinity and our original purpose'. 

I've never had so many revelations from a single book before. Such an eye-opener, and reading it the second time, I realized I missed some mind-blowing stuff. I especially loved this quote from him: 'Morality is a good thing, but morality is never the point.' There will come a time in a man's life when he has to take control of his masculinity, his strength and aggression. 

One more quote — I promise this will be the last, pinky promise. 

'Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored.'

So. True. Lacking passion. Fire. Masculinity.

I won't say much more about Wild at Heart, but the one thing I will say, is that every man — both young and old — needs to read this. Once, twice, probably several times.

ps: I will be posting several quotes from the book on here. It might get annoying, especially if you're a girl :P but I need this sort of like a reminder to myself. Cause yes, I reread my old posts from time to time. Judge me all you want..

pur/su/it

i told her to follow her heart.

i told her to chase after everything she's wanted to do ever since she was a little girl. be it big dreams, or tiny memoirs; go and do it. and off she went. she never returned.

[ differ ]

i told him to follow his heart.

i told him how he's come so far for a reason. i told him how i looked up to him so much, as an artist, a creator. i told him not to waste it all. but he went and did anyway. he never returned.

for the sake of a better li(f)e

the question remains: why am i in college?

the answer: a resounding idonthaveabloodyclue

the choppy waves, they suffocate me

"Remember, that God will always love you. Even if you were the only person on Earth, 

Jesus would still die for you."

~

i hold on to You

wandering, waning

For the past few days, I've been feeling, disturbingly, empty. It's been a long time since I've felt this way. I can't quite put a finger to it. Empty, is really the only word that describes it aptly. I know I'll get over it, sure enough, but this feeling sucks so bad. I genuinely feel that my heart is empty. That all it is, is an organ that's keeping me alive. That all I'm here for, is to take in oxygen and exhale you-know-what. That my existence is merely to complete some sort of cycle of life. I just feel..weird? I pick up the guitar, play a bit, and just feel like shit. Resentful. What's going on? My God, what's going on??

hunger

We want soft and pleasant words when the bitter is what's necessary for cleansing us from impurities. That is why Solomon said, 'But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet'. 

~

Hmm. Puts things into perspective.

equipoise

I live in a world where the mornings are always sunny, and the evenings, rainy. Where the mornings are always bright and full of hope, and the evenings are dull and quiet. A world where people begin the day full of energy and excitement, and end the day in quiet contemplation.

petrichor

she tells me she wants to be a raindrop. that she doesn't mind falling, as long as she's not alone. and raindrops are never alone.

for hannah

All that I want to say, has already been said. At least I hope you're reading this after you've read my letter. :) A quote for you, dear pig:

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

See you soon! Godspeed.

la batalla

A man is not wounded once, but many, many times in the course of his life. Nearly every blow ends up falling in the same place: against his strength. Life takes it away, one vertebra at a time, until in the end he has no spine at all.

~

Daphne Loves Derby, Tennis Court Soundtrack

cling

A person who fears God is one who will obey even in rough times when there is no tangible presence of God to encourage.

~

how can I lead a group of people without You leading me? can You please, please speak to me? You feel so distant, and i'm confused. i need You so desperately now.. please..

abstruse

Perhaps a memory is all you'll be. And us, only a fantasy.

vertigo

We thought that becoming a Christian would somehow end our troubles, or at least reduce them considerably. No one ever told us we were being moved to the front lines, and we seem genuinely shocked at the fact that we've been shot at.

~

*slightly edited

Heck, I would rather be a tattooed-all-over smoker than a hypocrite.

far we've progressed, further we venture

Nothing comes close. Normalcy is pathetic. Routine is rubbish. You always want more. You reach the moon, and you want to stay there, remove the oxygen mask, and die among the stars.

monolith

moulding

'God, why did you make me put this on the altar?'

To see if you were serving Me or the dream.

~

I'd much rather be friends with one who smokes, is covered with tattoos and piercings than a hypocrite.

am I literally worth your time?

Time is very valuable, I'm sure most would agree.

What if we intertwined money with time? What if we placed a tangible value per minute? Would it differ for every individual? Of course it would.

Now, what if you had to pay cold hard cash to spend time with someone? What if every person has a rate of their own for every hour you spend with them? How much, then, would you spend for an hour with your best friend? Your parents? The girl you're crushing on? The dude you just said hi to?

How much would you honestly pay to spend an hour with me? 

I swear I've never used so many question marks in a post before.

~

Able - Not Too Far

maskjʊˈlɪnɪti

If a man is ever to find out who he is and what he's here for, he has got to take that journey for himself. He has got to get his heart back.

~

construere

I am a collector. A collector of little pieces of gems that are insignificant to many, but invaluable to me.

I collect words. Words of people close to me, mere acquaintances, and even those unknown. Criticisms, encouragements, prophecies; I gather and store them in my heart.

I treasure my collection, knowing these are more than just little fragments of stones. These gemstones, are promises.

~

Death Cab for Cutie - What Sarah Said

push til you shove

'Why does God test us? To find out what is in our hearts? Absolutely not. He already knows what's hidden in our hearts. He tests us so that we might know what is in our hearts.'

~

Bethel - A Little Longer

HIS Church is 10!

And my God what an awesome day it has been. I'm feeling soooo much love from everyone, and for everyone. I love this. This feeling of unity. 

One day I will tell this to the youths, but I just want to say this right now. If you come to church hungry, thirsty for His presence, desiring for Him to move, He will satisfy you.

Because right now, I feel so satisfied by Him. All the days spent preparing for the skit and praise and worship truly paid off. Honestly, the past 2 weeks have been pretty very crappy. At home, in college, in church, even by myself. So many things have been going through my head; about props, about the p&w, about life. Can't imagine what has been going through Ken's head for the past month haha. 

But I kept pushing. I kept praying: God I want to see You move. Use us. The worship team. The youth. The whole church. I want to see salvations. Rededications. I want to see this church unite. Teach me to forgive, the same way You have forgiven me. Teach me to love, the same way You love me. 

And right now, I am so satisfied. I can't describe the feeling. I just feel so at peace. All the hours spent toiling, touching up on the technical side of things, all the sweat, the laughter, the tears, the criticisms — both constructive and destructive, the arguments, the disagreements, the hatred (cause frankly it was present), the anger.. I can truthfully tell you, it was all worth it.

I love my home church. Every bit of it. And Lord, I'm a lover of Your presence. I won't be going anywhere without You.

~

True Worshippers - Glory to Glory

This song is killer. But I honestly feel the team did way better than this version :P

it's all about You, Jesus

'The promise is nothing without Your presence!'

And Lord, that's all I want. You, Your presence, and to move under Your glory cloud. Excited for HIS Church's 10th anniversary! Souls saved and rededications please! And even more excited for what's coming up in the weeks to come!!

scars

Lord, I know You're full of grace. It's Your people who aren't.

'Sometimes, the wilderness is the best place to learn how to thirst again.'

if only you could see

I am the tingle in your spine on a cold dreary morning.

I am the faint cries of men reluctantly pulled to Hades.

I am the anger in your chest.

I am the frustrations in your heart.

I am the sights you see.

I am the sounds you hear.

I am the air you breathe.

I am the smoke that corrupts.

I am the morning dew.

I am dust.

I am here, there and everywhere.

But you fail to see me.

If only.

~

This Will Destroy You - Communal Blood

sweet like honey, bitter like gall

Too often we live off what God did in the past and drift from experiencing Him in the present. We still quote scriptures and talk a good talk, but we lack a hunger for His ways.

We quote scriptures, we talk a good talk. But all they are are just words. Sugar-coated, but formless. 

We think we're kissing God's ass. To think that He'd need it. Foolish.

~

Brooke Fraser - C.S. Lewis Song

beggar's bones

grasp, tighten, choke. watch the life drain out of your soul. hear the last wheeze of life breathe out. the last of your dreams. the last of your passion. the last of you. and what's left, is hollow. alive to society, dead inside.

dissent

I hate politics. This Selangor MB saga just makes me weary. You can't actually know what is the truth can you? I guess I never really realized that freedom of speech came hand-in-hand with freedom to spew lies. *sighs* Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.

~ Switchfoot - You

rue

the scent of your hair, touch of your skin, faint whisper of your voice, lingers and abides in my head. one last kiss. one more cigarette. one too many drinks. another night. same old, same old.

get stuck in the moment. breathe. consume. 

leave the business of regretting to tomorrow. 

~

Andrew Belle - In My Veins

calloused hearts

is there more?

beyond the fancy lighting, the intricate musicality, the complicated sound system, the jumping, the singing, the time sacrificed, the money spent, the sweat, the tears, the disagreements, the arguments, the criticisms, the scars, the relationships, the friendships, the many songs, the actions, the words.

is there more? or are we just a broken record? a jukebox stuck on repeat?

no. there must be more.

~

Jimmy Eat World - Polaris

can't come up with a title, so this'll do

I remember my mum asking me when I was seven if I wanted a younger sibling. Without much thought, I said YES. And truth be told, I still do.

I think it'd be cool to have a younger sister. Ever since I was small I wanted to be that over-protective brother that doesn't let his younger sister go to parties alone. That beats up her ex-bfs and all that hahaha. And of course, I wanted a younger sibling so that I can use him/her. It really isn't as mean as it sounds. All I want is for someone else to do my chores for me. Simple as that.

So since I have no younger sister to bully, I bully my bro instead.

I kid, I kid.

~

The Almost - Southern Weather

building up, tearing down

So how do you know him? 

Oh, we go to the same church.

Oh really? I couldn't tell..

Haha yeah he's a work in progress.

And how bout you?

So am I.

~

Bethel - You Make Me Brave

in time

given enough time, the memory of you like the evening sun, will fade, 

and then finally disappear, before heralding a new dawn.

end

"Maybe I should ground you," she muttered.

I snorted. All these while you've already had  me grounded. You grounded my mind. Caged my thoughts. Dictated my actions. Restricted my thinking. Shackled my dreams.

Maybe I'll prepare a noose, to finally let my spirit roam free.

Then, I'll be able to rest my head. one. last. time.

~

Athletics - V

i am my own affliction

An honest Christian life is messy. There is you in all your sin and problems and not okay-ness, and Jesus is working in you, taking over more and more areas of your life. It is a process and it can be slow, but accepting that works a whole lot better than just trying to hold your breath and act like you’ve got it all together.

-Glen Fitzjerrell

So, can I finally be honest ?
Probably not.

~

This Will Destroy You - Burial on the Presidio Banks

reunion

"I’m coming home this summer!"

"It’s about time!"

"We have to catch up. It’s been too long. I have so many things to tell you. I’m getting married in October, I bought a house in Sicily and I’ve been to eight of my top ten places I wanted to see before I die. Remember how we used to talk about that? The whole traveling and experiencing life thing while we were young?”

"Of course I do. You were always so restless. Never stopped whining about it."

"Hahaha, I did not! Besides, you were the one who asked me to leave. Pursue my dreams and all that. I still remember that lecture, hahaha.”

"I could never stand in the way of your dreams."

"Well, now I owe you big time! So tell me, what have you been up to these five years?”

"Waiting for you."

~

Shamelessly ripped off from seanjesudasan.tumblr.com. Go ahead and stalk him. He's good.

grey

Overcast skies. Hazy atmosphere. The only one awake in the house. Funereal mornings like this call for a recollection of memories. Faces, sights, sounds.

It doesn't do any good, reminiscing old memories. It leaves you heavy. Leaves you rueful. Haunted.

But I love it. I cherish it. I embrace it.

~

The Narrative - Libra

rust

when what's best is not right. and what's right is not sound. when you run into walls, over and over again. what do you do? where do you go?

when those who declare themselves your friend, leave with no word. leaving you stranded, helpless. who do you go to?

i make mistakes. you do too. so forgive me if i choose to ignore. if i choose to just. stop.

forgive me, if i break down halfway.

~

Ryota Katayama - Anti-Clockwise

monoculture

Do we ever learn from mistakes? Do you? Just because things worked in a certain way in the past, doesn't mean it will work now. Hell it probably wont. Your mindset is stuck. And you still have the guts to criticize? Amusing.

I don't know what is it about you. But you really annoy me.

~

Anberlin - Someone Anyone

for to love at all, is to be vulnerable

~

Daphne Loves Derby - Cue The Sun!

יֵשׁוּעַ

Indefinable yet approachable. Indescribable yet personal. He is beyond comprehension, further than imagination. Constant through generations, King of every nation.

He has won my heart, captured my mind. He has defeated me in my rebellion; conquered me in my sin. He has welcomed me into His presence, completely inviting me in.

Flooding me with mercies in the morning, drowning me with grace in the night.

It's not just words that I proclaim. For my words point to the Word, and the Word has a name.

Hope has a name. Joy has a name. Peace has a name. Love has a name.

And that name is Jesus Christ.

~

gemstones

If what Michael Gungor said was true, that there's beauty in the dirt..

Then we'd better start digging.

~

Gungor - I am Mountain

convicted

"What if every time you rang the doorbell to visit a neighbor's house you were greeted with a careless attitude and monotone sigh, 'Oh, it's you again; come on in.' "

I paused, then added, "You wouldn't visit them anymore, would you?"

Then I stated firmly, "Do you think the King of kings and Lord of lords is going to come into a place where He is not given due honor and reverence? Do you think the Master of all creation is going to speak when His Word is not respected enough to be listened to attentively. You're deceived if you do!"

I continued, "Tonight when I walked into this building, I did not sense the presence of God at all. Not in the praise, not in the worship, not in the exhortation, or during the offering. There is a reason: The Lord never comes where He is not reverenced.

The president of your nation would be granted great honor on this platform tonight simply out of respect for his office. If I stood here with one of your favorite soccer players, many of you would be on the edge of your seats. You would be eagerly anticipating and listening to every word he spoke. Yet while God's Word was read a moment ago, you barely listened, for you esteemed it lightly."

By those who come near Me I must be regarded as holy;

and before all the people I must be glorified.

—Leviticus 10:3

~

I am Alpha and Omega - Beaten, Betrayed, Denied