kill time to kill self

"I realize that death is not the end of life, but it is also my best friend. She is always sitting by my side, even while I am talking to you, looking to the mountains here with snow.

"Your death is always sitting by your side?"

By my side, sitting in the chair right in front of me. I see death as a beautiful woman.

"What is she saying?"

She is saying, "I am going to kiss you," and I say to her, "Not now, please." But she says "OK, not now—but pay attention and try to get the best of every moment because I am going to take you." And I say, "OK, thank you for giving me the most important lesson in life—to live your moment fully."

— Paulo Coelho

presence

"and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

~

heart-breaking beauty

Have you ever encountered something so beautiful, that it breaks your heart?

It could be a gorgeous woman, or an intricate piece of art. Maybe even a timid child, or a heartfelt song. Something so mesmerizing, that draws your attention from a glance to a gaze. It's more than just beauty per se. It's something that is precious.

Something so breathtakingly fragile, that makes you want to cry out for people to leave it be, simply because it's perfect the way it is. So much so, that you cannot even stand the thought of it being broken, or blemished, or corrupted. Except it will.

She will, despite your best efforts.

So you resign yourself to the fact of the matter, and let life run its course. You watch, helplessly, as the world slowly breaks her down, taking away her innocence and livelihood, vertebra by vertebra. Then deep inside somewhere you feel a rupturing sensation. Your heart being crushed.

And voilà! Heart-breaking beauty.

patience

Patience and Love agreed to meet at a set time and place; beneath the twenty-third tree in the olive orchard. Patience arrived promptly and waited. She checked her watch every so often but still, there was no sign of Love.

Was it the twenty-third tree or the fifty-sixth? She wondered and decided to check, just in case. As she made her way over to the fifty-sixth tree, Love arrived at twenty-three, where Patience was noticeably absent.

Love waited and waited before deciding he must have the wrong tree and perhaps it was another where they were supposed to meet.

Meanwhile, Patience had arrived at the fifty-sixth tree, where Love was still nowhere to be seen. 

Both begin to drift aimlessly around the olive orchard, almost meeting but never do.

Finally, Patience, who was feeling lost and resigned, found herself beneath the same tree where she began. She stood there for barely a minute when there was a tap on her shoulder.

It was Love.

"Where are you?" She asked. "I have been searching all my life."

"Stop looking for me," Love replied, "and I will find you."

— Lang Leav, Lullabies