di sini lahirnya sebuah cinta

this year marks Malaysia's 61st year of independence. personally, it's a special one, but not because of the outcome of our recent elections. 

see, i've always loved Malaysia. i've always believed that Malaysia is beautiful, despite her flaws and regardless of the political climate. her land, all of her people, and her cultures, all make up a breathtaking mosaic, that kinda mirrors what worship before the Throne would look like.

i've been encouraged (or advised) by many in the past to study abroad, build a career, and eventually, migrate to other countries. but truth be told, it was never something i had considered, nor was it something i could see myself doing. my dad, on the other hand, doesn't usually share my sentiments when it comes to our land of birth. in fact, he was one of the people who encouraged the idea of migrating to another country. he even tends to support opposing countries whenever our country plays a sporting event. needless to say, it annoyed me a lot.

but some time this year, i saw my dad put up the Jalur Gemilang outside our house. this was before election season, mind you, so i couldn't believe my eyes. for what felt like the first time in my life, i saw my father make a public display of affection for Malaysia, and this despite the whirlwind of tiresome politics at the time. 

i knew, right then, that this was a special moment. it's just a small flag and a small gesture, sure. but it was a huge change of heart. and i couldn't be happier. 

again, this was before pakatan harapan won the elections. before there was even a hint of a change of government. and here's what i'd like to imagine: even if barisan had won the elections, he would have still kept the flag up. personally, i might not even be bothered if barisan won. what mattered to me was that my father actually took pride in this country.

for once, he had faith, hope, and love for Malaysia.

so here's hoping that more and more of the estranged children of this land, both young and old, would see the beauty of Malaysia, and love her despite her imperfections.

wander

finding.

searching.

exploring.

but all the lines seem to lead me back to you.

carry

you're wrong. 

happiness isn't forgetting. 

happiness is finding new things to remember.

source: iwrotethisforyou

savor

"this is it joel. it's gonna be gone soon."

"i know."

"what do we do?"

"enjoy it."

– Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

retrace

i still love words.

i still love your words.

i still love you.

everything

she could give him the whole world but it would still be her that he wanted.

yearn

the world is never content.

the day it is will be the day it dies.

— Jose Saramago, Raised from the Ground

cripple

grief chokes out joy in an instant.

count to three and breathe deep.

count to five and blink it back in.

but what's the point of holding in tears?

just give in.

as if grief can be exhaled.

bankrupt

after the grief, the pain, and the seemingly unending drops of tears shed, what if i get tired of singing?

what if my heart stops flowing with a song?

what if the rhythms and melodies of my love song fade away? what then?

what now?

talk

is cheap.

and i am no less guilty of giving my word away cheaply.

someone told me recently to be a man of my word. i used to think that i was. but i'm not.

and now, i think the best way to keep my word is not to give my word anymore.