inexplicable

Still I hear You say,

"My love is over. It's underneath.

It's inside. It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.

The times that you question, ' Is this for real? '

The times you're broken.

The times that you mend.

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace.

The times you're hurting.

The times that you heal.

The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

In times of confusion, in chaos and pain.

I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.

I'm there through your heartache.

I'm there in the storm.

My love, I will keep you, by My power alone.

I don't care where you fall, or where you have been.

I'll never forsake you.

My love never ends.

It never ends."

~

one other song that's gotten me through different seasons, and currently getting me through this one: tenth avenue north's times

inevitable

"My kitten was run over. It was only little. The man who died told me about it, although he wasn't driving. He said they didn't see it."

"I'm sorry. That's the trouble with living things. Don't last very long. Kittens one day, old cats the next. And then, just memories. And even then, the memories fade and blend and smudge together."

— Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane

affinity

it rained today. a heavy downpour, though without the thunder and lightning. the kind of rain that puts a mute on every other sound, leaving only the intense noise of pellets of rain hammering down. the kind of rain that unsettles people. the kind of rain that people run away from. 

it alleviated to a soft drizzle once the clouds were satisfied. a calm, rhythmic, pitter-patter. the kind that helps people sleep easy despite their weariness. the kind that children run freely in. 

the cleansing, then, the peace.

mother nature is amazing. it's almost as if she's able to empathize with one's sorrow and grief.

did i say as if? of course she does.

*knock knock*

"Come in," muttered a croaking, yet delicate voice.

"Ah, there you are. I've been waiting for you for so long. How have you been?"

I just saw you yesterday. "Sorry, I've been busy this whole week with work," I answered monotonously.

"How's that girl you've been seeing? What was her name again?"

"She's fine. We're still together." We're married with two little kids running around the house.

You asked the same questions as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and I couldn't help but answer differently each day. 

"The US and Russia are going to war," I said, in a half-hearted attempt to change the topic.

"Dear God, how did that happen? These things don't just happen overnight."

You're right. They don't. In fact, it took years of rising tensions until it boiled over. Years. 

"How was church? I've really missed everyone, although it's only been a few weeks."

I haven't gone to church, or any religious establishment for that matter, for more than 3 years. "It was okay. You know, the usual."

Then we talked on and on for hours until the nurse interrupted to tell me that visiting hours were over, and I had to leave.

Before leaving, I clasped her hands tightly, not wanting to let go. I caressed her wrinkly, aged face; feeling with my fingertips the deepness of the creases. It's funny how people say that time heals the deepest of wounds, because these wrinkles that time has left sure feel like scars to me. She looked into my eyes, confused, but compassionate.

"Go on, son. You can see me tomorrow," she said through her smile.

As a matter of fact, yes, I will see you tomorrow, and the days to come. But I know all too well how the next day you'll greet me with the same greeting and how it stings my heart when you do, because although I've only left you for the night, you make it sound as if I haven't seen you in weeks.

"Goodbye."

show me love, teach me truth. break my heart, and bring me back to You. bring me back to You.

refocus, realign

"A girl should get so lost in God, that a guy has to seek Him to find her."

— Dannah Gresh

Seek Him first.