11/5

'He cherished the dark days of winter as reflections of himself and embraced the black moods as old friends. He did not want to pick up the reins of life and go on. He could waste the days in idleness, spending afternoons watching the dark skies and writing his books.'

~

This Will Destroy You - The Mighty Rio Grande

5/5

We all have something to share; a story to tell. It's our choice to either withhold or let it be told. There's no right or wrong. Some things can be shared with the whole universe and some things..should be kept between me and God.

~

unknown date

Practice makes perfect. But some natural talent would make things a hell of a lot easier..

~

4/5

53 more days to go. I can do this..come on..

~

29/4

After the first week in NS onward, it feels as though I've settled. I'd like to say I've become resigned to the thought that there's no leaving, so i might as well try my best to enjoy, but honestly, I do have a certain liking to this place. I could call this, home. Crazy, I know.

There are of course those days when I lie in bed, just thinking about the few places I call home. And home is not just a place, it's the people that make it. I miss my literal home. The house in SJ that aged with me, the Chung clan, home-cooked food, my cats. Gosh I miss my cats. Then of course, my babies. Touching a friend's guitar in NS sparked a deep want — lust, if you will — for them. As crappy as they are to the skilled eye, none can compare to one's first love*.

And right now I'm just stuck with such a deep longing to be home. Just for the night, maybe. It just rained, and it's making me miss the warmth of home. Something.. about the thought of being home warms me, yet leaves me feeling void when reality strikes.

About one more month. Let's have fun while we can.

~

*first love as in my first guitar. 

21/4

'oh why my soul,
are you downcast?' ,
for I am lost,

no longer steadfast.

deep inside,

dwells a beast,

still, and quiet,

preying on its feast.

this soul is loose,

moving with no direction,

seething, crawling,
shackled by my affliction.

but then comes grace,
unasked, undeserved,
breaking me free,
so unreserved.

not in glory,

but full humility,

my savior Jesus,
paid it all for me.

~

Edge Kingsland - Bones

21/4

I've made friends with people I'd never think I'd make friends with in NS. I think it comes down to the hair. People judge others by their hairstyle, no? okay maybe just me..anyway, from lala zai, hipster, nerd to pure douchebag, we  I judge one's character and personality based on the cut of their mop. In NS however, everyone (guy, not girl) is christened a crew-cut hairstyle upon arrival. So for me personally, I had no idea who were the lala zais and whatnot in camp. And so unknowingly, I became friends with a few lala zais.

There I said it. I've never thought I'd be friends with a lala zai, what more several.

On another note, I've noticed that for guys, the vulgar ones seem to be friendlier than others. Makes me wonder..

~

12/4

People. Noise. More people, more noise. I appreciate company, and the empty chatter that comes with it. But the introvert inside me is dying..

~

11/4

someday I will sail the open seas,
searching for a great perhaps,
as I ride the waves with little haste,
hoping I'll find my rest.

this world is cold, dark and cruel,
our treasures befitting fools,
what's left is a faith and hope,
in Jesus, my God, my love!

I seek to search out the deepest treasures You have hidden,
to gaze upon the beauty of Your creations,
oh, how it amazes me! how we are filled with Your glory,
yet our lives tell a story of flaws and tragedy..

~

Jenny & Tyler - Song For You